Humidity.

I despise humidity. Intensely. With a heartfelt passion. The last few days have been so humid that I could probably just curl up in a ball and melt away. Coupled with the heat and the stress? Yeah. Surprised my brain still functions.

Spent the day cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning... I also hate cleaning, but, surprisingly, loved every second of it today. My house is mostly more put together, minus a random pile of stuff on the living room floor, left for another day; plus, I now have a reading/knitting/hang out room. :) So needed.

I've realized, this last week, who I can count on -- which friends understand that I will, occasionally, disappear for a few days while I sort my shit out. I can't function (politely) when there's too much going on; not to say I have a low threshold. Sometimes, though, I just get a little caught up in the here-and-now and lose focus, breath, and ambition. The last half of this week has been one of those periods of time that I want to spend doing nothing more than laying in bed and staring at the ceiling, waiting for the storm to pass. Some people throw a fit when I drop off the map; other people understand that I just really, really need some space and time to get things together, otherwise I'll open my mouth and say things that can't be unsaid.

I have a patience problem.
...and an anger problem.

Okay.
Let's be honest.
I mostly just AM a problem.

The storm tonight -- just what I needed. Spent most of it in a car with a dear friend, driving through the rain and thunder and lightning and wind. I wish I could've chased the lightning -- nothing is more exciting, when driving, than purposely diving into the heart of the storm. Wind pushing you car around, rain so thick you can't see, never sure that lightning won't strike your car at any given second... such a rush, and such a great test to see who has the guts to keep going.

I was hoping the temperature would cool more, with the storm -- don't tell anyone I said that. I love heat. This humidity, though... jeez. It wouldn't be so bad if it were just a little cooler.

However, that storm... just what I needed. A quick rinse of the last few days before trudging forward into tomorrow.

Here's to hoping that storm rinsed away these damn nightmares, too.

Wish my slumbering mind luck with whatever demons raise their faces to the light of my subconscious tonight.

Sometimes I wonder

how far
this road
to my dreams
runs

Through
all the twists and
turns and
ups and
downs

I wonder
if there's
room or
time

to just
stop and

breathe.

One
day, maybe
some
day,
I'll realize, maybe
that my

life is not
a high-speed
car
chase.

But then
would it be worth
living?

Sometimes I wonder

if I start the fights

just to see

if he's watching.